I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
