remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
