Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off

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(614): View more from Ohio

Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.

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(630): View more from Illinois

the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.

(630): View more from Illinois

just thought you should know her name is kristen

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(302): View more from Delaware

in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am

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(207): View more from Maine

And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.

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(208): View more from Idaho

I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS

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(979): View more from Texas

I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare

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