I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just blew my weed a kiss
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
