my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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