If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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