I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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