he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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