That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
