is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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