Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
