were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
