I feel like abortions should bother me more
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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