I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
