I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
ā€ˇ"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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