I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
No subtext here. People are naked.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
