he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
