we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
