I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
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I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
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He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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