Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
