'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Randomize
