tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
