It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
