Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
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You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
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Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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