Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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