Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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