yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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