Pregnant stripper...not hot.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
