i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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