Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
