just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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