just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
