I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
