hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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