I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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