True but thats because hes a fetus.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
