i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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