Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
