I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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