get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
