i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
