He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
