I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
