in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
