How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
