I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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