I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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