so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize