ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
