Non-Jews are for practice
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
