if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
