Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
