she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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