cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
