I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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